Comments on: Addiction Codependency Through Two Marriages http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/ Wed, 09 Jan 2013 07:37:31 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 By: molly http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-54 molly Wed, 23 Feb 2011 05:40:22 +0000 http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/04/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-54 Thank you for this site. Believe it or not, my husband is the one who pointed it out to me. He’s seeking help and I’m trying to help him. He’s not addicted, but he’ll look at porn once every year and a half or so, maybe for an hour and call me immediately after. I know he’s trying. I read in your article something about celibacy. Can you expound on this? Would that help?

]]> By: Trisha http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-53 Trisha Tue, 12 Oct 2010 14:32:21 +0000 http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/04/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-53 Hey all.. I read what all of you have said and it makes me feel better that I am not the only wife going through this. Men just dont understand how cheated and unwanted it makes us feel. I have been with my husband for 6 years. We have two young children. We started of really kinky and loving and adventerous.. It was great fun! Up until the day I had my children we were still sexually active. I enjoy sex just as much as the next person but the more he watched our “movie” collection without me, the more I realized he hada problem. Did he not understand that our children were my priority now? I would fall asleep and instead of waking me he would turn the TV down low and do it right there. I would cry without him hearing.. saying to myself I AM RIGHT HERE! It kills me inside and he has made me hide our movies from him and block computer access. He will wake up before me and do it on the computer.. It has made me stray from him and seek out men that actually want me. He loves me I kow he does.. we have talked about it and he gives me the “we need God” talks Im not buying that anymore. It has made me NOT want to have sex with him anymore thinking I will punish him when he does come to me by not wanting him or turning him down. All that did was push him further away. I dont know what to do anymore. We are drifting- First it was just sexually now its little things … who does the dishes and folds the clothes,. Im lost and need someone to talk to advice. Things that have worked with other wives and help me. Im only 24 and shouldnt be feeling soo unsexy. Im an attractive women with curves and feel soo down.. All I want is my husband but seek other men out because they treat you like the lady that you are. The way your husband used to treat you. With respect and dignity. Im not stupid and I know whats going on sooo WHY LIE??

]]> By: t http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-52 t Fri, 29 Jan 2010 03:35:33 +0000 http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/04/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-52 I found out three weeks ago that my husband looks at porn regularly. He had been doing it for about two years, I think. I confronted him the day after I found out and he never denied it. I was more shocked that he had tried to contact some girls than him actually looking at it. He told me it’s like an addiction and he felt extremely bad about it. He later assured me that it was never that he stopped liking me. We had not have a proper sexual relationship for those entire two years. I had been pregnant and given birth to twins. Now I am trying to get over it and get back to trusting him. The thing that helped me a lot was reading Steve Harvey’s book “Act like a woman, think like a man”. It was an amazing coincidence that I stumbled over it in the library the day after I confronted my husband. It helped me realize that my husband loves me and always has. There is no reason to doubt that.
I am still trying to heal and only now, after doing some more research, realize that this problem may take longer to deal with than I thought. I don’t know how badly addicted he is. I hope I will be able to trust him and myself again.
Ladies, check out candeocan.com’s podcasts for women. Also, I found it very helpful to read somewhere that my selfworth should never ever depend on whether my husband finds me attractive or not. I do not have to compete. Trust yourself. Anything he says about your looks is plain avoidance of the real issue. Don’t even go there!

]]> By: Tiffany http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-51 Tiffany Thu, 28 Jan 2010 16:42:22 +0000 http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/04/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-51 Dear Gwen and Sherry…. I’m a young Newlywed and my Husband is addicted to Pornography. I share your feelings in this situation I feel disrespected, Unatractive and at times all I do while he is gone at work is cry because I do not know what to do, We have only been married a year and i found out about this problem the second month of our marriage and just like your husband mine reacts defensively and tells me that there is nothing wrong with this that it is a perfectly natural thing. The arguement usually ends up coming back on me and how I should change something about me instead and he simply says that he is going to work on it. I’m so close to just giving up.His friends dont encourage him either there advice is simply hide it better.. Today I completely lost it for the last time and threatened to leave if it doesn’t stop. He finally broke down and realized he had a problem. I want to be there for him but I am too hurt and furious .

]]> By: SD http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-50 SD Sun, 27 Dec 2009 04:20:01 +0000 http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/04/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-50 Where do I begin? I have been married to my husband for 18 years but have been involved for almost 30 years. I am in my forty’s and he just reached 50. I have known about my husband’s interest with porn for about 6 months now, it may have been longer than this but this is when I first found out and that’s because I walked up on him one day and saw it with my own eyes. At first I didn’t think much of it, I just thought it was something he did for fun but I was still uneasy about it because it made me feel different and I had started to get a sick feeling in my stomach. I now know that he looks at porn regularly and is on line watching it every chance he gets. I have tried to bring it up before and he gets really defense about it and then he is so furious to the point where it is really scary, so I back off because I know where it is going. He will get angry and won’t speak to me and turns it around and makes it seem as if it is my fault, as if I did something, I know that he is denial, he won’t admit it. I know that it is a problem because he was recently taken to the emergency room due to illness and the next day he was looking at porn again, this tells me that he can’t stop thinking about it. What’s worse is that he may have come back from church or study the lesson for sunday school and then he will watch porn, I don’t understand how he doesn’t think that God knows what he is doing. Why does he do this? My self esteem is low, I am a nervous wreck, I started smoking again and I have to pretend always that I am just FINE..How can you want to learn God’s holy word and then go watch porn, I just don’t see how that is possible, how can you live with yourself?? Has he any clue that these women that he looks at are someone’s daughter? someone’s sister or mother?? how would he feel if someone looked at his daughter or his sister or me in that way?? Please help me with trying to help him, how do I approach him without him getting so angry, I just want to help him, I love him dearly and would do anything for him and he knows that. I wish he could open up to me, if he could just read through these articles he could see that he needs to stop. I don’t pretty or sexy, I feel like I am competing with something I can’t touch and I feel as if I’m losing the fight. I want my marriage back, I feel like I am not satisfying his needs, if he was satisfied with me he wouldn’t masturbate while watching porn, he would want to make love to me, not to sit in front of the pc and jack off. Please email me with suggestions, I am open to comments or any feed back. I feel so alone in this, I need guidance. thanks.

]]> By: Megan http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-49 Megan Sat, 19 Dec 2009 08:13:42 +0000 http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/04/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-49 I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, we have lived together for just over 3 of those years, He openly told me about his addiction after a year of dating, I had my suspicions, there were signs but I didn’t know the extent of his problem. in every other way our relationship is good, he was very open to me helping by suggesting that I install a internet filtering program on his and my computer, I see his credit card statements….but he is also very good with computers and hiding. I love him more than anything and we have talked about getting married in the next couple of years, as much as I want this I am very afraid that if he asks me I will have to say no, I fear it will get worse and it will change into more, possibly him physically cheating….I am 27 and need some advice from others, All the above is helpful and appreciated, This had been so hurtful and damaging, I feel very unattractive on the rare occasions that we are intimate, we have not had actual sex for months and it has been like this since we started living together, he really only seems to want oral sex…has anyone been in this situation? ( dating/considering marriage)

There are so many websites for this addiction but they are mostly if not all religious websites, We are not practicing Christians so he is not very open when it comes to any online help even though he knows he needs it.

Any advice would be great :)

]]> By: Mary http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-48 Mary Tue, 27 Oct 2009 14:40:24 +0000 http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/04/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-48 My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years, he has always had a penchant for porn. It comes and goes, but I always know the signs. He stays up till 2 sometimes 3 in the morning on a work night, he’s grumpy, has black circles under his eyes, and is extremely irritable practically volatile anytime I mention anything to him about staying up so late.

I am trying so hard not to blame myself, I feel very unattractive and unappeling to him. I have a 10 month old and am in my late 30′s so I haven’t gotten my girlish figure back very quickly. In some ways I feel it’s my fault, I’m not attractive enough or something to that effect. I am hurt by this because when we do have sex it’s all about one area. Like in porn. I am bored with our sex life because I know there is so much more involved, our lovemaking has turned into a bad low budget and very vanilla porn. It’s boring, it’s always the same. Bottom line is I cannot measure up to what he sees in porn, and I feel like crap that he has the urge to even look at it. I have also found dating singles website on my computer. I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I also have small children and I do love my husband, but our lovemaking is just sex, empty, just like the porns he watches I assume. I am angry, hurt, confused, and scared this will cause problems in our marriage.

]]> By: RM http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-47 RM Sat, 19 Sep 2009 14:56:52 +0000 http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/04/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-47 Please contact me. My husband has been struggling with addiction to pornography for many years and it wasn’t until I caugt him in the act in front of the computer and confronted him that I forced the truth from him. I could tell by the look on his face that he was lying, and that’s how I was able to get him to confess. He claims going to church once and talking to a men’s group helped him.
He’s techsaavy so I know he hides it well
The problem is that his addiction in the past has destroyed love and concern that he should have for his wife and kids, the protective love that I see a normal man has for his family. Our sex life obviously is very lacking- he has said hurtful things to me that are not true about my appearance.
I am very tempted to throw in the towel.

]]> By: Tami http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-46 Tami Tue, 01 Sep 2009 01:25:55 +0000 http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/04/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-46 Hi, I am so happy I have found this site. I’ve been married to my 2nd husband for 17 yrs and 2 wks ago my 2nd daughter informed me that her dad… (stepdad of 17 yrs she was 7 yrs old when we met) had texted her sexual messages. This happened 2 times before within the last yr the 1st 2 not being so graphic. I kicked him out and I really do not think I can get past this and work this out with him. I thought we had a great marriage. Well in my investigative work he is addicted to porn only been doing it one year well I caught him in that lie and its been going on for more than 5 yrs. at this point I am in counseling for myself the marriage counseling is on hold. I need to fix myself first then my daughters. lastly him. I am still in shock over this whole deal as is everyone who knows him. I am a RN also……… nurses love to take care of everyone and make them all better. we are known for getting in bad relationships.

]]> By: Cindy http://fightpornaddiction.com/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-45 Cindy Thu, 06 Aug 2009 23:38:57 +0000 http://newlifehabits.com/2007/08/04/addiction-codependency-through-two-marriages/#comment-45 I have to say, I too am inconsolable at this time. I have been married 25 years and until 4 days ago I had no idea that my husband has been watching porn for more than the last 16 years of our marriage. He had 17 bookmarks on his PC and he even had been blogging women in a site for “single males looking for online dating”. I am still in the surreal stage of all of this and afraid of what I will find next. I am terribly afraid he has actually met some of the women. Needless to say – our sex life has been lacking for years. Looking back – I now see signs. I too am a RN.

I am trying to stay centered on my well-being. I cannot stand the sight of him and really do not think I can over come this shattered trust and broken heart. I am not even sure I want to try.

I am thankful to have found this site. I have adopted a new mantra – “fight like a girl” borrowed from the Cancer Society.

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